Never in a million years did I think I would be sitting here entering a post for a blog that has my name on it, or anyone else's for that matter. But then never in a million years did I think Andrew would leave this earth at the age of 45. I sit down at this computer 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a day thinking that somehow if I sit hear long enough, by some miracle something will appear on this screen from someone out there who can take all of this tremendous pain and heartache I feel away. I know it's not realistic, I know it seems crazy even, but it helps get me through the day and for now that's all I can ask for is to get through the day.
I have reached out to other widows in the hopes that they have the pill to take away the pain but no one does. They have many different takes on this journey and I try to hold onto the fact that they are still here, some of them after traveling this road for years. Some of them live joyful lives again, others not so much. I hold on to the joyful stories and hope that can be me someday. But I wish it could be now, right now. I never in my life understood the true meaning of lonliness until I lost Andrew. I love you forever baby. We miss you so freaking much.